E-mail updates

So one of the nice things about Chemistry.com is they e-mail you about any change with the guys they match you with. So it's good for the amount of information that's given, but bad for the number of emails I get every day. Today I actually got one that I've never seen before. Apparently, one of my old matches "unarchived"me. I'm not entirely sure how to archive someone, much less unarchive someone. The only thing I can think of is when you say you're not interested, they go into a special category. So I'm pretty sure chemistry.com e-mailed me to say that there's this guy out there who decided he wasn't interested in me, but then went back and changed his mind. Excellent way to feel oh so special.

The other notification I got was that I was "noticed." Again, I don't really know what this means (they need a chemistry.com tutorial) because the only options are "interested" or "not really." I've kind of been assuming that means he looked at my profile and made no decision about me, but that doesn't really seem like the kind of thing that I need to be updated on. Oh well, too much information is better than none I guess.

Ok, so guy 1 today was ridiculous, but at least stated his ridiculous-ness. He said he's using this to feel out what's out there, but ended his profile with "a couple more characters are needed here, so here it is." So he's a no. (Plus again with the wanting a Jewish girl, which I am not. Good job chemistry.com)

Guy two wants curves, but is ok if you're not perfect. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that meaning. I think he wants Double D's but will settle for a C? Who knows. Moving on.

When I read guy three's profile, I realized that though I grade students papers who are almost illiterate all the time, I have never read something where the punctuation was so bad as to be distracting. Until now. He puts periods at the beginning of the sentence rather than the end. Apostrophes do not exist, and there are no spaces between the rare punctuation and the frequent emoticons. So as judgmental as this may be, it's a definite no.

Guy four is a music guy, but seems legit and normal. He calls himself quirky, but not in the sketchy way, and is decently cute, so I'm going to express interest. So there's one for the day.

Guy five made me think. His profile was utterly uninteresting. No huge turn offs, but nothing that made it worth reading. But, when I looked at his facts about himself, the recent book he read was "I, Lucifer," which seems like the kind of thing I'd be really interested in. So I think I'll express interest and see what happens. Maybe he just doesn't know how to write a profile.

Guy six is a born again Christian. If you're wondering what religion he is, it's Christian. And he wants a Christian girlfriend. But remember, he's a Christian. Also, he wants a girl to cook for him. But she has to be Christian. Next.

Guy seven owns a company, is 29 and lives with his parents. I'm almost curious enough as to why that I would express interest. Almost.

Guy eight has a short enough profile he almost certainly isn't a member, so no.

Guy nine I think is a drug dealer. First off, so many spelling errors I had to read the profile aloud. Secondly, his profession is "i work." I'm pretty sure he works the corners. So, tempting, but no.

Guy ten actually seemed like a gem. He's a chemistry guy who seems to share my interests, so I'll express interest and hope he actually signed up and will respond.

It occurs to me as I type this that not explicitly saying whether a person is a member or not is a great system to allow people to delude themselves into self confidence. It is entirely possible that every person I've said I'm interested in has been genuinely not interested in me. However, there's no way to know that, so I can continue believing that everyone who has not responded to be was unable to, and i've heard back from everyone who could say something. It's interesting, because it's both frustrating and gives me a lot of confidence in that I'm getting all the responses possible. I feel like there needs to be a better way to deal with this other than just try to weed out the non-members. I'm definitely open to thoughts.

First 10 guys

So I've realized in doing chemistry.com that one important skill you have to acquire is the ability to see when guys aren't really putting any effort in. The reason for this is it doesn't cost anything to make a profile, so a lot of people do it without paying for membership, and then are unable to communicate in any way with others who are interested in them. The bad part is there's no way for anyone else to know. So if you say you're interested and they're not a member, you just hear nothing. I think that's the same thing as what happens when they're not actually interested, but I'm not sure since there's really no way to tell the difference.

Today, of the 10 profiles I went through, the first 3 fell into that category. Then there was Will. By his pics and his profile, he seemed vaguely ordinary, nothing immediately sending me heading for the hills. Then comes his casual mention of not shying away when "you need to be put in your place," speaking to the potential future girlfriend. So, nice, respectful guy there. Also weird, under profession, he said he was "unable to disclose due to profession reasons." I'm trying to figure out what that means, since first of all, I'm pretty sure you can say that you work for the FBI or CIA or have a cover. Secondly, he lives in Philadelphia, and I have not heard rumor of all that many secret government cover ups going on in the area. Though maybe he's just really good at his job.

Guy 5 was in the no-communication category, though I just love it when guys point out they like eating and movies. Maybe even at the same time for a wild night!

Guy 6 I couldn't figure out, but he explicitly said he was Jewish and looking for a Jewish girl in the match categories, and it always baffles me when I get those matches. It's a site full of people looking, do they really have to match two people who are defintionally incompatible?

Guy 7 seems to only take pictures of himself with his cell phone pointed at a mirror. I understand the difficulty in twisting your wrist to take a picture, but you couldn't try it once? Come on.

Guy 8 seemed vaguely interesting, but generic. I decided to "express interest" just to see if there's more hiding behind the profile. He did say this is his first attempt at the online dating thing, which might mean he hasn't become a member, but we'll see. No harm in trying.

Guy 9 described himself as a bald 28-year-old who lives with his parents. Enough said.

The final guy for the day said he wanted "only opening minded girl," then seemed to not be a member. So that was a no.

I think I normally express interest in one or two guys every time I go onto the site, so this set of choices is about par for the course. We'll see, I'll keep putting up who I find, maybe there'll be a real gem at some point.

How chemistry.com works

So I've been trying out chemistry.com for about 8 months now and figured I should start sharing the experience I've had. So far, I've been on one date, which was a complete flop. We spent about half the time in awkward silence, and the other half going "So, are you interested in this...? No? Ok." I've done the pre-date thing with several other guys, but one of us has always lost interest before the actual date. I suppose since this is the first post, I'll explain the process. In my next post, I'll go through the quality guys I find on the site.

So every person posts a blurb about themselves and what they're about. They also post their stats (height, age, religion) and stats of their ideal mate. So you read through that and decide if you're interested or not.

Once you say you're interested, you send that person your "relationship essentials." This is a list of things about people and you rate their importance. There's a range of topics from saving money to loves pets to is neat and clean.

If the other person says they're also interested and sends you theirs, then you can compare the two relationship essentials side by side. Sometimes this is the breaking point, where you look at their essentials and realize they're a pyscho who cares about nothing you care about, but generally people have about the same priorities with one or two not matching.

If you determine they're not pyschotic, then there's short answer questions. You send them six questions and they send you questions and when you've both responded, you can compare answers. This is normally where I run for the hills when they're either trying to be funny and failing miserably, or ridiculously boring.

The last online step is the email. This is the same as regular email (except it's through chem.com for privacy). Plus there's the added fun of knowing that we're about to kinda sorta date but only if we pass each other's tests and say the perfect things.

Finally, we meet. Like I said, I've only got there once, either because I'm picky, not too dedicated to this site, or find it kind of a joke, but it's rare-ish.

Anyway, there's the gist of the site. Tonight or tomorrow when I'm at home so the site's not blocked, I'll go through my 5-10 guys and keep you posted on whether I find my soul mate, so check back later!