Goodbye Chemistry?

So after months and months of ridiculousness on chemistry.com, I decided to see what other waters held. A friend recommended Okcupid.com, which is free - so I figured, why not?

Immediately after signing up, I got three emails, and it seems like every day since then have been at least another three. Since there's no cost to joining, any random person can email any random other person, so there were obviously a lot of schmucks. I got a bunch of "hey qt how u?" or things like that. But there were also a lot more legitimate emails. The only real reason not to use that site is fear of rejection, so people are way more willing to try.

Normally at this point, I'd go through the ridiculousness that is online men, but I actually responded to one of the emails, which made me look at the other ones much less. It was great because we went straight to emails, so we could talk about real things and figure out if there was any compatibility. There's an instant message option that is really easy to use, so that helped figure out which guys weren't worth another look.

I have to decide now if I should keep using this blog to talk about some of the guys online or if that's just kind of bad taste since I'm not really looking at the moment. Any advice, let me know, but I think as soon as my chemistry membership expires I am off that ridiculous site. Okcupid all the way :)

Really? A month between updates?

As per Ben's suggestion, I'm going to update my profile to try to make it reflect who I am a little better. Because I tried describing myself, and it ends up sounding like every other person there "Hi, I'm nice and funny, trying the online dating scene..." I'm going to try Ben's gimmick. That is asking you guys to finish the sentence "Emily is..." and I'll post a whole bunch of those to my profile. I'm not asking for confidence boosters, I know you would all finish that sentence with "the most awesome person imaginable," but I want it to maybe say something interesting or quirky about me as only friends can. So if you think of something, send it on. Now read on for the long overdue update of the chem guys.

Let me first say that I'm tired of Chemistry, mostly because I don't think I'm very good at it. I have no idea how to message people. I can nudge them, but that seems obnoxious.

This time, my guys started off with one really depressing post about succumbing to social pressures and parental pressures to have kids. Not an enticing reason to go after someone.

Guy 2 - there's really no words. Nothing really in his profile, nothing really at all to say about him.

Guy 3 lives with his parents and is on his third German car. I'm not entirely sure what that means other than his parents are loaded. His pictures are mostly in his room and he's got band posters all around the walls. He seems like a nice high school boy, but I think I get enough of those at work.

Guy 4 was kind of a tough call. His profile was exclusively what he's looking for in his girl, so I don't know anything about him. I think I'll say yes and see if emails reveal anything more.

Guy 5 can be serious but rarely is. But he seems smart and maybe has a similar sense of humor? That or I'm just looking for someone who's sarcastic. Who knows. I'll say yes and see what happens.

Guy 6 had a blog full of puns, but some were actually really funny. He's a 30-year-old lawyer who lives in Wilmington, but I see potential. So yes.

Guy 7 not only had a profile entirely about who his ideal match is, but it wasn't even specific. He wants things like genuine-ness and sweetness. If you're going to use that space to explain what you want, at least put in some sort of fantasy so you really get what you want. Like, long black hair, or something. Just go for it. So no.

Guy 8 did not have that problem. His fantasy woman is a proper lady. Sadly, I do not think that is me.

Guy 9 lives in NYC until June 2011. I have no idea why he's posting a year ahead of time. I guess he's excited about planning the rest of his life.

Guy 10 says that any girl he falls in love with is the luckiest girl in the world. Somehow, I'm skeptical. I think someone needs to take him down a notch or two, but it's definitely not going to be me.

Overall, I think I'm getting bored with these guys. I'm going to try to line up a date or two just to remind me why I'm reading through half of these ridiculous profiles. Also, I really need to figure out how to message them.

So many exciting updates (sort of)

The reason it's been so long since my last post was because I basically gave up on Chemistry.com. I got to the point one night where I decided I was going to quit the whole thing, admit it was a waste of money and take down my profile. I woke up the next morning to no less than six emails saying I had guys interested in or who had noticed me. Over the course of the day, I got two more, and the next day another two, including a "nudge" from one guy because I hadn't responded quickly. I'd actually never gotten a nudge before, because I generally sign on right away and deal with any notices I get. So it motivated me to give it another shot.

There were two "interested in you" guys.

The first one seemed a little bland. Enough that I read through his profile once and decided to reject him, but wanted to wait until I could update this blog in case there were some good quotes in there. I just went back and reread it, and I'm seriously considering saying I'm interested back. I mean, his problem is that he's boring, but there's nothing else I dislike about him. So I think I'm going to leave it and think about it a little more.

The other guy was actually one I had expressed interest in before, and he reciprocated, so we got to see each other's "Relationship Essentials." His and mine were pretty well lined up, which is supposed to indicate that our values are similar, but it's still pretty impersonal. I decided to send him an incredibly awkward email, basically saying "so...this should be deep, but..." He either laughed or rolled his eyes. Maybe both. Anyway, he sent me an email back that was really nice and friendly. I think the vibe I get off him is very friendly. Since it's the first set of emails it was basically "hey, what do you do for a living?" so nothing too insightful yet. I'll update this as things progress though.

After those guys, I had three in the "noticed you" category.

The first guy is a nerd. No other word for it. He began his profile with "If the ionization-rate is constant, we could really bust some heads - in a spiritual sense of course." It was in quotes, so that's from somewhere, but I don't know where. Also, I'm just barely dorky enough to get it, which means a couple of things. One, he's an uber-geek, and two, it's possible he's smarter than me. The first one, not great, the second one, pretty good. But I don't know. He's a PhD student of some science, but he doesn't say which. He's also about my age. Both of those things work against him as I'm really looking for an older guy with a real job, but he's weird enough that I need to consider him a bit. So we'll see.

Guy two is a hippie. Die hard, live in the trees, play on my guitar while we fight world hunger hippie. I like fighting the good fight or whatever too, but I prefer my feet on some well-carpeted ground. No.

PS, he is also a Protestant turned agnostic turned atheist librarian. That's three no's for him.

Guy three seems pleasant, but generic. I think I'll just wait and see if he initiates contact, and if not, I'm not going to worry about it. But there's nothing particularly interesting about him either.

Then we have the standard matching guys.

Guy 1 hasn't paid and isn't interesting anyway.

Guy 2 seems very similar to me. Like, surprisingly similar. He's getting his Master's in Education, is afraid of heights but likes to try things, so has gone skydiving, rock climbing, and and couple other things. He said he was sarcastic and then actually made an effective joke in his profile, which as far as I can remember, has never been done successfully. Maybe it's just that he has my sense of humor. He's Catholic, and is in the middle of reading a Dan Brown novel, and I just finished one of his books last weekend. I'm definitely going to express interest and see what happens.

Guy 3 hadn't paid. Also, the name he gave was "A"

I think guy 4 is gay and looking for a beard. He says he's very into fashion and jazz, and he wants someone who presents themselves well in public. I think I'll say we have different interests.

Guy 5 has not paid and is Born Again. Really no other information about him is given.

Guy 6 is a good guy, hasn't paid.

Guy 7 is boring

Guy 8 says he's a guitar player looking for a singer to make music with. So I guess I'm out.

Guy 9 hadn't paid, but it always surprises me when I see a black man on the website. It's pretty rare. I wonder if that's because they need less help finding dates or because they just fully see the vague pathetic-ness of these sites.

I never thought I'd say this about a chemistry.com guy, but Guy 10 had too much information in his profile. No, I do not care what your favorite breakfast is. (Or lunch, dinner, or dessert for that matter.) No, I do not care what your favorite pair of shoes is. And no, I do not care even what your favorite beer is. I feel like he's just a talker and it'd be hard to get a word in edgewise.

Overall, productive enough that I'm not giving up quite yet.

It's been a while

Ok, so I know it's been a while since I last posted. Apparently chemistry.com knows it too because I've gotten about three or four e-mails telling me I'm "about to miss out on a match." As far as I can tell, there's no sort of expiration date, so I guess chemistry is just trying to take the guys feelings into account and tell me not to leave them hanging. Very considerate.

Here are the men of the day:

Guy 1 had a tagline that used "u" instead of "you" five times. Taglines tend to be only a few words, so there's a part of me that feels like he must have been trying to incorporate "u" into it. Then his profile said he was looking for his soulmate. Nothing else. Just a basic "soulmate wanted, apply within." Also, he's an "endodontist." Does anyone have any idea what that is?

Guy 2 had an unusual profile. The general gist was good. He seemed like an interesting, genuine guy. But there were spatterings of him being a creep throughout his profile. First, he made a huge point of saying how the picture he's using isn't good and he's actually much hotter in person. So my question is, if the picture is so bad, why not just put up another picture? I'm 85% sure he's just lying and is, in fact, much worse looking than he claims. His next paragraph is about living by the golden rule and how he's a nice guy who can get along with anyone. Except the crazies. So he's utterly non-judgmental except when he's judging people. Good to know, I guess. In terms of his life, he claims to suck at basketball, but he wants to be a professional ballplayer someday. The man is 30 years old. He will never be a professional ball player. But it remains the thing that he's striving for. Overall, my impression is a good guy who needs to grow up a bunch, and I'm not really interested in helping a 30-year-old grow up.

As a post script, it was about a day or two from when I first looked at him to when I actually rejected him because I didn't have time to go back to the site, and in that time, he did remove his picture. Not replace it or change any part of his profile (including the part about the picture) but he did realize he can control what picture he has up there. So he grew up a little, but still not enough.

Guy 3 was a little bland. He said that he was "humbled and grateful" for his life thus far, and I'm not totally sure what he means by that. Are his parents rich or did he have to make himself from very little? I wouldn't really care either way or expect to find that out from a profile, but the phrasing of it interested me. I think I'll express interest and see if he comes out with a little more depth.

Guy 4 was interesting. He talked about his sense of humor a bunch which seems to mesh with mine. The few things that stuck out was that he described himself as not smart, but with a good head on his shoulders. I feel like that's a self-confidence thing rather than an intelligence thing, but either way, it worries me. The other thing was that he says he's laid back, but over analyzes. That could definitely be a source of drama, but at the same time, I think I do the same, so maybe we'll be able to check each other. Anyway, we'll see.

Guy 5 was obnoxious. His entire profile said that he was looking for something meaningful, but nothing else. There was no information either about him or what he was looking for. The final straw was saying that he's "open to anything. But a pretty face only gets you so far." I'm very confused as to how being open to anything implies trying to get by on looks. Maybe it was just the wrong transition word. Either way, I'm out.

Guy 6 emphasized that he was expressing his friends opinions, not his own. I figure it's ok (though a little immature) to say once "My friends would describe me as..." However, after the third time, it gets pretty annoying. Other than that, he didn't look bad, so I'll give him a shot.

Guy 7 obviously didn't pay or put time into his profile, except to list several paradoxes that he claims to be. Such as "ordinarily unique" and a "realistic idealist." So vehemently no.

Guy 8 seemed like a good guy, very positive, almost bubbly, and very not my type. So this is one of the rare times I'll say no to a decent sounding guy. (Ben, if you're reading this, the guy reminded me so much of you. Have you ever wanted a soundtrack playing in the background of your life?)

Guy 9 is someone who had "noticed me." He talked a lot about helping others and his values, and I liked what I heard, so I'm definitely following up on that. I still don't really know what "noticed me" means, but it must be a good sign.

Guy 10 describes himself as a great cuddler who may be used as a pillow. He says very little else, so no.

Overall, I actually found a bunch today. I liked the "noticed me" feature, it makes me feel a little more confident about getting a response. So we'll see.

E-mail updates

So one of the nice things about Chemistry.com is they e-mail you about any change with the guys they match you with. So it's good for the amount of information that's given, but bad for the number of emails I get every day. Today I actually got one that I've never seen before. Apparently, one of my old matches "unarchived"me. I'm not entirely sure how to archive someone, much less unarchive someone. The only thing I can think of is when you say you're not interested, they go into a special category. So I'm pretty sure chemistry.com e-mailed me to say that there's this guy out there who decided he wasn't interested in me, but then went back and changed his mind. Excellent way to feel oh so special.

The other notification I got was that I was "noticed." Again, I don't really know what this means (they need a chemistry.com tutorial) because the only options are "interested" or "not really." I've kind of been assuming that means he looked at my profile and made no decision about me, but that doesn't really seem like the kind of thing that I need to be updated on. Oh well, too much information is better than none I guess.

Ok, so guy 1 today was ridiculous, but at least stated his ridiculous-ness. He said he's using this to feel out what's out there, but ended his profile with "a couple more characters are needed here, so here it is." So he's a no. (Plus again with the wanting a Jewish girl, which I am not. Good job chemistry.com)

Guy two wants curves, but is ok if you're not perfect. I'm still trying to wrap my head around that meaning. I think he wants Double D's but will settle for a C? Who knows. Moving on.

When I read guy three's profile, I realized that though I grade students papers who are almost illiterate all the time, I have never read something where the punctuation was so bad as to be distracting. Until now. He puts periods at the beginning of the sentence rather than the end. Apostrophes do not exist, and there are no spaces between the rare punctuation and the frequent emoticons. So as judgmental as this may be, it's a definite no.

Guy four is a music guy, but seems legit and normal. He calls himself quirky, but not in the sketchy way, and is decently cute, so I'm going to express interest. So there's one for the day.

Guy five made me think. His profile was utterly uninteresting. No huge turn offs, but nothing that made it worth reading. But, when I looked at his facts about himself, the recent book he read was "I, Lucifer," which seems like the kind of thing I'd be really interested in. So I think I'll express interest and see what happens. Maybe he just doesn't know how to write a profile.

Guy six is a born again Christian. If you're wondering what religion he is, it's Christian. And he wants a Christian girlfriend. But remember, he's a Christian. Also, he wants a girl to cook for him. But she has to be Christian. Next.

Guy seven owns a company, is 29 and lives with his parents. I'm almost curious enough as to why that I would express interest. Almost.

Guy eight has a short enough profile he almost certainly isn't a member, so no.

Guy nine I think is a drug dealer. First off, so many spelling errors I had to read the profile aloud. Secondly, his profession is "i work." I'm pretty sure he works the corners. So, tempting, but no.

Guy ten actually seemed like a gem. He's a chemistry guy who seems to share my interests, so I'll express interest and hope he actually signed up and will respond.

It occurs to me as I type this that not explicitly saying whether a person is a member or not is a great system to allow people to delude themselves into self confidence. It is entirely possible that every person I've said I'm interested in has been genuinely not interested in me. However, there's no way to know that, so I can continue believing that everyone who has not responded to be was unable to, and i've heard back from everyone who could say something. It's interesting, because it's both frustrating and gives me a lot of confidence in that I'm getting all the responses possible. I feel like there needs to be a better way to deal with this other than just try to weed out the non-members. I'm definitely open to thoughts.

First 10 guys

So I've realized in doing chemistry.com that one important skill you have to acquire is the ability to see when guys aren't really putting any effort in. The reason for this is it doesn't cost anything to make a profile, so a lot of people do it without paying for membership, and then are unable to communicate in any way with others who are interested in them. The bad part is there's no way for anyone else to know. So if you say you're interested and they're not a member, you just hear nothing. I think that's the same thing as what happens when they're not actually interested, but I'm not sure since there's really no way to tell the difference.

Today, of the 10 profiles I went through, the first 3 fell into that category. Then there was Will. By his pics and his profile, he seemed vaguely ordinary, nothing immediately sending me heading for the hills. Then comes his casual mention of not shying away when "you need to be put in your place," speaking to the potential future girlfriend. So, nice, respectful guy there. Also weird, under profession, he said he was "unable to disclose due to profession reasons." I'm trying to figure out what that means, since first of all, I'm pretty sure you can say that you work for the FBI or CIA or have a cover. Secondly, he lives in Philadelphia, and I have not heard rumor of all that many secret government cover ups going on in the area. Though maybe he's just really good at his job.

Guy 5 was in the no-communication category, though I just love it when guys point out they like eating and movies. Maybe even at the same time for a wild night!

Guy 6 I couldn't figure out, but he explicitly said he was Jewish and looking for a Jewish girl in the match categories, and it always baffles me when I get those matches. It's a site full of people looking, do they really have to match two people who are defintionally incompatible?

Guy 7 seems to only take pictures of himself with his cell phone pointed at a mirror. I understand the difficulty in twisting your wrist to take a picture, but you couldn't try it once? Come on.

Guy 8 seemed vaguely interesting, but generic. I decided to "express interest" just to see if there's more hiding behind the profile. He did say this is his first attempt at the online dating thing, which might mean he hasn't become a member, but we'll see. No harm in trying.

Guy 9 described himself as a bald 28-year-old who lives with his parents. Enough said.

The final guy for the day said he wanted "only opening minded girl," then seemed to not be a member. So that was a no.

I think I normally express interest in one or two guys every time I go onto the site, so this set of choices is about par for the course. We'll see, I'll keep putting up who I find, maybe there'll be a real gem at some point.